What is love?

It's a seemingly simple question, but the answer is rather subjective. Each person defines love differently, based on life experience, culture, family, friends, media influence, and peer influence.

I personally do not think that love is static. Love is constantly evolving. When I was younger, love meant butterflies in my stomach, the thrill of being with the other person, and the passion I felt. Over time, my view has shifted to a less visceral feeling. Love comprises friendship, complicity, and commitment. Passion is still there, but not as intense as it used to be. Maybe it's because of my neurodivergent brain, but nothing is more appealing to me than intellectual conversations, emotional maturity, and consent. Love evolves. Its definition changes over time.

This is precisely why I like psychologist Robert Sternberg's triangular model of love. According to Sternberg, love consists of three fundamental components:

• Intimacy

  It's emotional closeness. It includes a feeling of connection, trust, complicity, and the desire to give and receive emotional support, as well as allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and share our deepest thoughts.

It’s the "I feel safe with you."

• Passion

  It's the emotional and physical impulse. It includes sexual attraction, physical and/or romantic desire, excitement, and butterflies in the stomach.

It's the "I want you."

• Commitment

  It's the conscious choice to invest in the relationship. It refers to the decision to love someone and to maintain the bond over time, regardless of life's challenges.

It's the "I choose to be there and to stay with you."

Depending on how these three components are combined, we obtain various kinds of love:

• Like = Intimacy alone

  Deep connection and sincere friendship, without passion or long-term romantic commitment.

• Infatuation = Passion alone

  Passionate and obsessive love at first sight, without intimacy or commitment. Very intense… but often fragile..

• Empty love = Commitment alone

  A decision to love each other, but without intimacy or passion.

• Romantic love = Intimacy + Passion

  Lots of emotions and physical desire, but little long-term stability. A bit like a summer fling.

• Companionate love = Intimacy + Commitment

  A secure relationship, a long-standing friendship, sometimes less exciting but very solid. Like a union whose passion has faded with time.

• Fatuous love = Passion + Commitment

  A commitment based on passion, but without the time for emotional intimacy to develop. We admire, we idealize, we quickly become involved in a whirlwind of passion.

• Consummate love = Intimacy + Passion + Commitment

  A relationship where emotional connection, desire, and conscious choice coexist. A complete love, but an ideal that is difficult to achieve and/or maintain over a long period.

For most people, a strong dose of intimacy, commitment, and passion defines love. Consummated love is an ideal to strive for. And like any ideal, it's impossible to maintain indefinitely. The three components will inevitably fluctuate with time throughout one’s life. And so, consummated love can transform into another kind of love, just as valid.

So, what is love to you?